1、Well, today we tried masturbating for money.

　　嗯，今天我們嘗試手yin是為了錢。

　　2、Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.

　　是的，它告訴我們，你參與的群眾文化有個錯覺，以為太陽的視位置相對于任意星座的定義你的出生，在某種程度上影響你的人格。

　　3、You did not “break up” with Joyce Kim. She defected to North Korea.

　　你沒有與喬伊斯·金“分手”。她叛逃到北韓。

　　4、Ah gravity, thou are a heartless bitch.

　　啊，地心引力，你是一個無情無義的婊子。

　　5、Explain to me an organizational system where a tray of flatware on a couch is valid. I'm just inferring that this is a couch, because the evidence suggests the coffee table is having a tiny garage sale.

　　向我解釋一個組織系統，在那里一盤扁平餐具在沙發上是有效的。我只是推測，這是一個沙發，因為有證據表明咖啡桌上有一個小車庫出售。

　　6、I am truly sorry for what happened last night. I take full responsibility and I hope it won't color your opinion of Leonard, who is not only a wonderful guy but also, I hear, a gentle and thorough lover.

　　我真的對昨晚發生的事情感到抱歉。我承擔所有的責任，我希望它不會影響你對倫納德的看法，他不僅是一個好男人，而且我聽說，一個溫柔而周密的愛人。

　　7、At least now you can retrieve the black box from the twisted smoldering wreckage that was once your fantasy of dating her and analyze the data so that you don't crash into geek mountain again.

　　只是你現在還能從燃燒的廢墟里找回裝滿對她美妙幻想的黑匣子，好好分析下數據你就不會再墜入“呆子谷”。

　　8、I think that you have as much of a chance of having a sexual relationship with Penny as the Hubble Telescope does of discovering at the center of every black hole is little man with a flashlight searching for a circuit breaker.

　　聽著，我認為你能跟Penny做愛的幾率跟哈勃太空望遠鏡發現在每個黑洞中央都有個小人在用閃光燈尋找斷路器的幾率一樣大。

　　9、There's always the possibility that alcohol and poor judgment on her part might lead to a nice romantic evening.

　　酒精加上她一時糊涂總有可能讓今晚成為浪漫之夜。

　　10、There wouldn't have been any ass kickings if that stupid death ray had worked.

　　如果那該死的死亡放射線能用我就不會挨打了。

　　11、I thought she was a highly evolved creature of pure intellect, like me. But recent events indicate that she may be a slave to her baser urges.

　　我以為她是個高度進化的純高智商物種，就像我。而最近的事件表明她也許不過是個屈服于低級欲望的生物。

　　12、If the correct way to do it is the wrong way, then I yield.

　　如果胡來才是正確的方法的話，那我閉嘴。

　　13、Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

　　謝耳朵：剪刀剪紙，紙包石頭，石頭砸蜥蜴，蜥蜴毒死斯巴克，斯巴克擊碎剪刀，剪刀砍斷蜥蜴，蜥蜴吃了紙，紙反駁斯巴克，斯巴克蒸發石頭，最后就是一直都那樣的，石頭硌壞剪子。

　　14、Howard is teaching Sheldon Chinese.

　　Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.

　　Sheldon: Why?Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

　　霍華德：話說，你終于要學普通話了我還真高興。

　　謝耳朵：為嘛？

　　霍華德：等你說順溜了，有十多億中國人民等著你去煩，你就不用來煩我了。